Reality setting in

I thought the worst had to come... I guess i was wrong. I have always said the devastion took place on january 26,2013, but now the finality is here and i am sad,hurt,my heart aches and i am so pissed. We set out for this life together, and he went and bailed. Well,he made horrible choices which has caused so many people such heart ache. I feel for those women. The hurt they must feel, the pain, the fear they will carry. I feel for my four innocent kids that they wont be able to hug their dad for 20 years. All of the pain he has caused, and why am i the one up crying? He was a monster to the victims. But to me, he was my best friend, my husband, and i am sad. I try to think at how fast life goes by, but i feel it will go by so slow knowing it wont be until the year 2035 until i can hug him again. It sounds horrible, maybe i have that munchhousen syndrome or something. Loving the evil person who hurt me, my kids, the innocent victims. But i am human, and i cant turn off 23 years of comfort, saying the ending of his sentence, knowing him... Or so i thought. I really rhought i was so strong but clearly iam not. I need to hear the words my son said lastnight. "He wasnt ever really here,working, or sleeping, it was always us anyways, you mom, and us kids."while his feelings are valid, and somewhat truthful, i dont feel that way. I have so many fond memories with him, our family life. I feel cheated. I see families around, a mom, a dad and kids, and i cant look at them. I feel left out,we were  a family before, even though i was the one always here with the kids? I felt his presence, but maybe it was just that, presence with no depth, soul or a heart or morals.. we talked the other day and i said" u shouldve dealt with your sexual addiction, maybe then it wouldnt have come to this." I shouldve made him get help, not just sweep it under the rug.maybe then i wouldnt be lying here righting my feelings out for the world to hear. I talked with friends back then, when the addiction was blatenly in my face,and most would say" their husbands also had their sexual inuendos and  just let them have their magazines or dvd's, that it was harmless.  I chose to listen and think i am making way to much of it.

Hindsights 22.